What to do with broken resolutions?

Cut yourself some slack, and get back in the game.

By now, 80 percent of those who made New Year’s resolutions have broken them. Actually, they probably gave up or forgot about them by Valentine’s Day, according to University of Minnesota Professor Marti Hope Gonzalez.

Why? Weren’t these resolutions made to bring about positive change? Wasn’t making a resolution enough to set the wheels of change in motion?

I guess not.

Our challenges with making sustainable change in our lives is explained well by Marion Kramer Jacobs, author of “Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life ... One Scene at a Time."

“We’re hard-wired not to change quickly,” Dr. Jacobs said. “Think of what chaos would ensue if you could snap your finger and change instantly tomorrow. You would be one person today, someone else tomorrow.” (New York Times, “New Year, New You? Nice Try” by Alex Williams.)

Just because you already broke your resolution and know the road may be difficult, don’t give up. The reward will be worth the effort. Give it another shot.

Ten Steps to Keeping Your Resolution And Making Meaningful Change

Desire Change — Make sure you really want to change and are ready to embark on a serious commitment to make it happen.

Define Success — Clarify your goal in specific terms.

Write It Down — Once you know what you’re shooting for, spell it out. Keep it handy, and refer back to it.

Make Your Plan — It’ll be easier to fulfill your resolution if you establish a plan with realistic, simple, and specific goals. Only include steps that you know you’re able and willing to carry out.

Find Support — Depending on your resolution, you may have an easier time staying on track and reaching your goal with support and encouragement by friends, family, or a group of others trying to achieve similar results.

Seek Help — Success isn’t less sweet if someone gives you a hand. Seek professional help to get you going or keep you on track. Whether you’re looking to lose weight, quit smoking, get organized, write a book, learn something new, get out of debt, spend more time with family, or just about anything else, there are organizations with the knowledge and expertise to help you succeed.

Keep Track — Regularly review your journey to success, considering accomplishments and obstacles.

Be Flexible — Don’t get stuck. If your plan isn’t working for you, figure out what will and modify it.

Celebrate Your Success — Acknowledge your accomplishments, big and small. Don’t wait till you’ve fulfilled it all. Celebrate your progress.

Know What’s Next — Have a plan for what happens — and what you need to do — when you fulfill your resolution and meet your goal. Figure out how you will maintain your success.


Depending on what you’re looking to accomplish, you may want to partner with a certified coach to help you define your goals, create a plan, and stay on track.

Group coaching opportunities are available in many communities and often less expensive than one-on-one coaching. Check out what’s offered at meetup groups, libraries, community centers, and colleges.

Don’t give up on your resolution — and yourself. Change is hard, but you can do it. Take it one step at a time, and keep your eye on the prize.

Quick and Easy Nutella Mousse

Quick and Easy Recipes
So You Can Get Back To Your Harried Life

Kudos to everyone who made the Quick and Easy Sweet and Spicy Chicken, and thanks for your compliments on the dish.

The 40 Factor’s Quick and Easy Recipes are all about helping us spend less time in the kitchen and having more time for everything else.

This week, my good friend and fellow coach, Elizabeth Cassidy, mentioned her newfound love of Nutella on Facebook, which instigated a spontaneous discussion with many of her friends, all fans of this delectable treat.

Growing up with French parents, I was introduced early on to the world’s alternative to peanut butter. I distinctly remember childhood trips to Paris including Nutella and bread sandwiches. If I wasn’t more in love with croissant and petit pain au chocolat, I would have demanded Nutella sandwiches for every breakfast. (Petit pain au chocolat is called chocolate croissant by Americans — even though it is not crescent shaped.)

Let’s give credit where credit’s due . . . Nutella is a hazelnut spread that was created by Pietro Ferrero in Northern Italy in the 1940s as an alternative to chocolate due to the shortage of cocoa during World War II.

Quick and Easy Nutella Mousse

13 ounce jar of Nutella
3 cups heavy (or whipping) cream, separated

Boil a pot of water. Put the closed container of Nutella into the boiling water for 10 minutes. While it’s boiling, beat 2 cups of heavy cream with an electric mixer (unless you’re Amish) till it’s stiff. In a different bowl, mix the melted Nutella and remaining 1 cup of heavy cream till completely combined. Fold the Nutella mixture into the whipped cream. Chill for at least an hour.

Fancy Alternative: Make individual parfaits, layering Nutella mousse, raspberries or strawberries, and whipped cream. Top with chocolate shavings.

Have a favorite dish and want a Quick and Easy Recipe? Write lisa-michelle@the40factor.com.

It's ok to have some fun.

Shhh! I won't tell anyone. 

When did it become wrong to kick back and relax? have a good time? do nothing for a change?

Too many of us 40 somethings are caught in busy, hectic, and stressful routines. Even worse, some of those around us are caught in a my life is more difficult, more challenging, more stressful than yours competition.

Guess what? There’s no prize for running yourself ragged. Trophies aren't given for the most stressed out or most exhausted.

Downtime, and even playtime, are essential to living a healthy, balanced life. When you set aside time to unwind, you not only have a good time, but you also disconnect from stress, release tension, recharge your batteries, and get ready to face the world with a fresh outlook.

For many, life gets more stressful as we approach the big 4 - 0. Some of our stress factors are obvious — bills, demanding jobs, relationships, health, family, aging parents, job insecurity, rise in cost of living, or getting older itself.

Now is the time to make sure to do something about it. Stress — and living an unbalanced life — takes its toll too quickly on all of us. It effects our health, relationships, and every aspect of our lives.

Let’s face it. Stress is coming at us from all directions. We work hard and are caught in a culture of workoholism — and not just in the workplace. Most people I know have more obligations after their traditional work hours than they ever imagined. And, they’re not setting aside time to unwind and relax.

We can’t ignore our responsibilities, but it’s time to break the cycle and have some fun. Giving yourself some much needed downtime — or playtime — will give you more energy and maybe even a brighter outlook.

Don’t put it off any longer. Plan something fun for this week. Figure out when you have time and what you want to do. Make sure it’s positive and releases stress. Parents: Get a sitter, or take turns watching the kids.

There’s so much to do. If you’ve neglected yourself long enough and need ideas, here are some easy and inexpensive ways to relax and have fun:

• Go to a batting cage or driving range
  
• Browse a new exhibit at a gallery or museum
  
• Take a walk in a park or on the boardwalk
  
• Visit a zoo or botanical garden
  
• Catch a movie
  
• Take a long, scenic drive and listen to your favorite music
  
• Attend a cooking class
  
• Enjoy a yoga or meditation session
  
• Find a quiet place and start reading the book that’s been calling you
  
• Visit a winery

Need some other choices? Check out Time Out New York's "Free things to do in New York City."

OK, if you're not in New York, you'll have to find another resource, but maybe you can still get an idea or two.

Hope you're ready to have some fun. I am!

Tell The Butcher, Sadie Is Selling Her House

Networking isn’t a new concept. The world has revolved around it since the beginning of time. Some of the venues have changed, and many new ones have popped up, especially in recent years.

Back in the day, a town’s butcher, doctor, and clergy were great networking resources. Why? Your community was your main network, and they regularly had contact with almost everyone, shared information, and made connections. It was natural to tell them you were selling or looking to buy something, your family business had new products, you learned a new technique, you needed to borrow equipment, or anything that you would benefit from being shared. People were happy to relay information that others could benefit from, too.

My daughter graduated and is looking for a teaching position. If you hear anything, let me know.

Have you heard that Ingalls closed the lumber shop? He’s taking over the general store and restaurant. People are going to line up to have his wife’s rhubarb pie!

I just came from the butcher. He said the Smith’s house burned down last night. Everyone got out, but they lost everything. They’re staying with Mrs. Jones. People are dropping off clothes and toys this week. Father Jim is starting a collection.

Most of the world’s success stories have some aspect of behind-the-scenes networking. Nothing beats a good connection in Hollywood or on a college admissions board.

Today, we don’t have to rely as much on others as intermediaries, although an introduction or respectable connection can catapult us in the right direction and help promote our networking purposes.

When we look back, this may be called the Age of Networking or Social Media Era. You can’t make it through the day without seeing or hearing about it. Spread the word. Share your ideas. Connect, connect, connect!

But, hold on a moment before you launch your Twitter presence or create a LinkedIn profile. The most successful networkers move forward with a keen sense of purpose.

Why are you networking? There are more reasons and combinations than you’d think. Not everyone is looking for a job. Seriously.

Establish networking goals to meet your needs. You know how you work best. If you need a formal plan and schedule, create them. If you don’t, at least think it through.

Know what you’re going to say and how you’re going to deliver your message.

Where you network should be the best places to achieve your goals. Don’t waste your time. This is true for all forms of networking, not just through social media. Plan your association memberships and event attendance just as carefully.

Don’t forget about traditional networking — professional associations, alumni groups, social organizations, and even your house of worship. These are great venues to meet new people.

It’s not, however, enough to include someone on your contact, follower, or friend list. Great networkers have a solid method of maintaining contact and building relationships. They also understand how to stay in touch, but not become a nuisance.

For the average Joe — even if he’s destined for greatness — the benefits of quality connections far outweigh quantity when it comes to most networking purposes. OK, my ego wouldn’t mind 1,000 instant followers on The 40 Factor and Twitter. But, unless my networking purpose is to pamper my ego, I’ll have to focus on my goals.

If you haven’t yet ventured into online social networking, don’t be afraid. It won’t bite. Get your feet wet by browsing what other people are doing. When you’re ready, make your plan and start out slow. Stick to your plan, even if you hit a few bumps in the road. Ask for help, or attend a workshop. You’ll be tweeting and connecting in no time. There may even be a blog in your future.

Ready to connect? Follow me on Twitter for career tips, networking advice, and so much more.

Quick and Easy Recipes

The 40 Factor's Quick and Easy Recipes
So You Can Get Back To Your Harried Life

Welcome to the first installment of The 40 Factor’s Quick and Easy Recipes, which are designed to help us spend less time in the kitchen and have more time for everything else.

We’re living in times when we can’t have enough or do enough. A balanced life is hard to come by, but it’s in our reach. Success comes from understanding our needs and making choices.

Many of us prefer homemade food, desserts, and snacks, but we feel we don’t have the time or know-how to do it ourselves.

It’s time to debunk that myth. Some of the dishes we’re going to introduce here will only take as much time as it would to go pick them up. And, ours will taste better. When you do it yourself, you not only can make it the way you like it, but you also know exactly what’s in it.

Quick and Easy Sweet and Spicy Chicken

1 chicken, cut into pieces
1 cup all natural apricot fruit spread
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon red pepper flakes
1/2 teaspoon salt (optional)
1 tablespoon Tabasco Sauce (optional)

Preheat the over to 350° F. Rinse and dry chicken. Coat pan(s) with nonstick cooking spray. Place chicken in pan(s) with the skin facing up. Whisk together remaining ingredients. Spread sauce over chicken. Bake uncovered for one hour or until chicken is fully cooked.

Serve with instant brown or white rice.

Hints: Use garlic powder, not granulated garlic. Use all natural, no sugar added fruit spread. It's sweet enough. Use less salt when adding Tobasco Sauce.

Healthy Alternative: Use 8 skinless chicken thighs instead of whole chicken with skin.

Not-So-Spicy Alternative: Omit red pepper flakes and Tabasco Sauce. Replace with 1/4 – 1/2 teaspoon white pepper.

Have a favorite dish and want a Quick and Easy recipe? Write lisa-michelle@the40factor.com. If possible, your dish's Quick and Easy alternative will be presented on The 40 Factor.

What's cooking in your kitchen tonight?

LOVE 201: The World’s Greatest Love Stories

Who cares about the world’s greatest love stories?

We do!

Whether they’re real or fictional, we want to know everything about them. How did they meet? Was it love at first sight? When did they first kiss? What did they do to keep their love alive?

This week, I saw an adorable news story on Channel 7's Eyewitness News about couples who renewed their vows — after 50 years of marriage. One happy bride and groom were tying the not again after 67 years. Wow! As divorce rates continue to rise, I watched these couples in amazement, even though I recognized they were raised in different times with different values and expectations.

But, we've learned that marriage isn’t synonymous with love, and love often has nothing to do with marriage.

Last summer, I shared my thoughts and declared myself an authority on love in LOVE 101. Now, I'm asking who are the greatest lovers of all time. Maybe we can a learn a thing or two from them, too.

Who should make it to our list of greatest love stories?

Romeo and Juliet — William Shakespeare’s young and passionate lovers who try to break free from prejudice and family control. Unfortunately, their story doesn’t end well.

June Carter and Johnny Cash — Wow! What a great real-life, modern-day love story. They meet. He’s immediately taken by her. They’re both married. They run into each other often on the music circuit. He wants her. She wants none of that. He wants her. He really, really wants her. They become famous. He has problems with drugs and alcohol. She helps him. Their love grows. He wants to marry her. He asks her again and again. She refuses. Then, one day, he professes his love to her and proposes during a performance. The rest was history. (If you haven’t seen Walk The Line yet, you’re missing out. Great story. Great performances.)

Cleopatra and Mark Antony — Another case of passionate love at first sight. They wed against others’ wishes. Unfortunately, their fate was similar to Romeo and Juliet’s when Antony heard false reports of Cleopatra’s death and took his own life, only to be followed by her inevitable suicide.

Joanne Woodward and Paul Newman — This relationship is often called Hollywood’s longest and most romantic. They married after his divorce from his first wife and were married for 50 years. In an interview with Hello! Magazine several months before his death, Mr. Newman talked about love, “Joanne has always given me unconditional support in all my choices and endeavors, and that includes my race car driving, which she deplores. To me, that’s love.”

Elinor Dashwood and Edward Ferrars — Jane Austen’s not-so-young, duty-bound lovers, who met after he was engaged to another in Sense and Sensibility. Lucky for them, the other woman released him from his commitment, when she realized he would not inherit the family fortune and ended up marrying his younger brother. Elinor and Edward were free to marry and spend the rest of their lives together.

Rachel and Jacob — (Yes, from The Bible.) Another story of love at first sight, but with a twist and, most importantly, a happy ending. When Jacob asked Rachel’s father to marry his daughter, he was told he needed to work for him for seven years. Jacob agreed, but on his wedding night was tricked into marrying Rachel’s older sister, Leah. After realizing how upset Jacob was, his father-in-law agreed to allow him to marry Rachel after working another seven years. What man today would work for his future father-in-law for seven years to get married?

Thanks to Rachel and Jacob’s love story and some underhanded trickery, during Jewish wedding ceremonies, grooms check under their brides’ veils to make sure that history doesn’t repeat itself.

Elizabeth Bennett and Mr. Darcy — Perhaps Jane Austen’s most famous love story — Pride and Prejudice — is about an intelligent, witty young woman of modest means and an arrogant, aristocrat from a prestigious family. He takes to her early on, but he fights his love for her and keeps it a secret. By the time he declares it, she despises him. But, with the many twists and turns of their lives, Miss Bennett learns of his kind nature and warm heart. She, too, falls deeply in love, and they live happily ever after. (I certainly like to think so.)

So . . . What’s your favorite love story?

You’re Never Too Old For A Snow Day

The Tri-State Area was hit with another snow storm yesterday. As has become the norm, all news venues hyped up their coverage. As it approached, we were told to brace ourselves for a blizzard with a large — but unknown — amount of accumulation, gusty winds, icy roads, near-zero visibility, and possible power outages.

On Long Island, supermarkets were packed with frantic shoppers. Were they buying water, flashlights, batteries, and duck tape? No, those days are gone.

Carts were overflowing with soda, cookies, cakes, potato chips, pretzels, ice cream, baguette, fondue, olives, and everything you need for your next party. The only thing missing was a snowman piñata.

The buzz about this storm was so intense expectations of business closings grew. Not only did kids want a day off from school, but we also wanted a day to make snow angels or relax in our warm homes with a cup of hot chocolate.

Throughout the blizzard, Facebook and Twitter were flooded with posts about businesses closing or staying open, who braved the storm, who was working from home, and who needed to take a personal day if unable to get to the office.

Many news reports focused on telecommuting as the best means for companies to continue with business as usual and send their employees a clear message that their safety was paramount and their work ethic was trusted.

Although people with telecommuting privileges and those who lived within walking distance from their offices were grateful, it became very clear that all anyone really wanted was a snow day.

Whether we’re all kids at heart or just wanted a break from our intense 24/7 lives, we hoped this storm could give us what we needed. Did it?

How did you spend your day?

The 40 Factor

Welcome to The 40 Factor — your place for all things about life after the big 4 – 0.

The 40 Factor is our forum to talk about careers, family, money, philanthropy, love, spirituality, food, stress, happiness, volunteering, the environment, success, and so much more.

It’s all about us. We’re 40 something and living lives we could never have dreamed about when we grew up. It’s exciting and sometimes a bit scary.

We were told we could be anything and were encouraged to follow our dreams. No one back then realized the full impact of the continuous search for happiness and satisfaction. No one imagined that most people would have more than 10 employers before retirement. Many of us are on our second or even third careers, brining new meaning to re-invention. For some, this is a burden; for others, it’s a gift.

On our journey to the big 4 – 0, the more things changed, the more they stayed the same. We hoped and prayed for world peace. Maybe we even came close a few times, but global unrest and terrorism still plague us at today. We witnessed extraordinary miracles of science — from heart transplants to in vitro fertilization — but some medical conditions, as well as newfound diseases, continue to baffle us.

We’ve seen more technological advances than we could possibly remember — from rotary to touch-tone to mobile phones, from seven channels with antennas on every roof to satellite dishes and cable TV with more stations than one can count.

Technology also gave us the ability to stay connected 24/7 but, at the same time, we’re now expected to be connected — all day, every day. Try not returning an e-mail at work, updating your Facebook status, or texting back a friend within the acceptable amount of time in your circle. You’ll receive more “r u ok?” or “haven’t heard back” messages than you have time to answer.

Living a well-balanced life never took this much effort and never was this important. It’s hard to carve out the much needed time to take care of ourselves and refresh our minds, bodies, and spirits. But, we know that when we lose this crucial balance, everything has the potential to fall apart.

Even with the demands of today’s busy lives, we’re getting more involved than ever before and teaching future generations the importance of giving back — whether feeding the hungry at home or halfway around the world, caring for the environment, protecting endangered species, joining the fight against cancer, or supporting many other causes.

Experiencing the recent economic crisis firsthand, we’re dealing with money and credit much differently, and we’re more concerned about our financial futures, retirement, and even social security than we expected at this stage of our lives. What’ll be left for us? All we know now is that nothing is certain any more.

There’s so much going on in our lives and so much to learn from one another.

So . . . get ready to listen — and talk — about all of our concerns and interests. Share your thoughts right here, and let us know what’s on your mind.

Welcome to The 40 Factor.