Good Friends Know What You Need

Sometimes you need a little time to yourself. Maybe you’re going through something. Maybe you’re going through several somethings.

The last two weeks or so were pretty tough for me. Most of my friends, family, and colleagues were respectful of my need to retreat a bit. Some were not, no matter how nicely I asked. Those are the kind of people who are so selfish they can never break away from putting their needs first, regardless of what’s going around them. Oddly enough, I feel sorry for them, because they’ll never maintain good relationships and have no idea why.

If you’ve been following The 40 Factor, you recently read that my friend, Jill, was nearing her final days. She passed away on Monday, March 22, after a fierce and courageous battle with cancer.

Even though we knew her fight had taken a turn several months ago, and she was no longer responding to treatments, we were still hoping for a miracle. Who doesn’t want his loved one to be the one to beat it against all odds?

Jill wasn’t my first friend about my age to pass away. She was actually my eighth, and I’m only 40. I still can’t believe I’ve lost another young friend.

My heart broke last week, and I was overwhelmed with emotion 24/7 for her family and all her friends.

There are times in life when we add just one more stone to the scale, when it not only tips, but actually topples. This is how I felt. Somehow, in addition to everything else going on in my life, Jill’s passing at such a young age after her intense fight with this cruel disease unnerved my existence.

Now that I’ve had some time to regroup, brush myself off, and stand on my feet again, I want to thank everyone who gave me space, a shoulder or phone to cry on, a hug just when I needed it, and loving support during Jill’s final days and after her passing. Your friendship means the world to me. Thank you.

Erin Go Bragh!

In New York, everyone’s Irish at least one day each year. That would be today, March 17th, St. Patrick’s Day.

Across New York City, Long Island, and many other areas throughout the United States, today you’ll find a sea of green. Not just parade-goers in green-sequence top hats. But, you’ll find green bagels, green doughnuts, green muffins, green cookies, and green cakes. And, let’s not forget green beer.

Even at 40, for me St. Patrick’s Day is a reminder of one of my greatest childhood misunderstandings. Till I was invited to the first round of our classmates’ Lutheran confirmations, I thought all Christians in the United States were Roman Catholic, and the vast majority of them were from Ireland and Italy.

Growing up on Long Island, what else was I supposed to think?

It’s amazing what we pick up from our surroundings and the decisions we make from our firsthand experiences. I think we’re wiser today and exposed to much more than what’s in our own backyards, but memories of this childhood mistake remind me to be careful not to jump to conclusions.

I’ve never been to the St. Patrick’s Day parade. I don’t think I’ve ever been to any New York City parade or Times Square on New Year’s Eve. I guess joining large, sometimes inebriated crowds on the street in cold weather just isn't my thing. Not when you can watch it in the comfort of your own home, a few feet from a clean bathroom.

For as long as I can remember, my favorite part of this holiday was the Irish-American tradition of corned beef and cabbage. I’ve been making it for years and look forward to it like all holiday fare. This year was no exception.

Most people today don’t know why it’s called corned beef. They’re puzzled when they think about it, since there’s no corn to be found in any version of the dish.

But, in this case, corn doesn’t refer to what immediately pops into your mind. Back in the days before refrigeration, meats were packed in salt or brine (salted water) to preserve them. The coarse salt used in this process was referred to as kernels or corns.

I’ve already packed mine for today’s lunch. I just can’t decide between the green bagel or green doughnut for breakfast.

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!

Mom, Actress, Teacher, Entrepreneur: Sheri Wilcox

40 and Fabulous: Successful and Inspiring 40 Somethings

Welcome to The 40 Factor’s first interview, bringing you insight into the lives of our peers, advice for challenges we’re facing, and ideas for a fun, meaningful life.

40 and Fabulous — Mom, Actress, Teacher, Entrepreneur: Sheri Wilcox

We’re kicking off 40 and Fabulous: Successful and Inspiring 40 Somethings with an extraordinary individual, who I sometimes think found the secret to have a 30-hour day. Like many of us, she’s living an extremely busy lifestyle — balancing family, work, growth, spirituality, giving back, and so much more. Has she discovered how to have it all and enjoy the ride?

Sheri Wilcox lives in Hollywood, Florida, with her husband of 13 years, Frank; 10-year old daughter, Rebecca; and 5-year old twins, Emily and Christopher. She was born in Long Branch, New Jersey, and moved up and down the east coast by the time she was 11. She attended at least a dozen elementary schools before her family settled down in Elmont, New York, where she developed lifelong friendships.

In July 2008, Sheri started a home-based business with an environmental eCommerce company. Her enthusiasm to help people save money and time, while caring for the environment, is infectious. It’s no wonder she was recently awarded the company’s Best Team Player.

Tell me about your eCommerce business.

It's changed my life. In so many ways, it has simplified my life by eliminating the running around to stores. I really enjoy the convenience of shopping online and appreciate the tremendous savings. The monthly income for my family from this part-time effort has been a blessing. I also discovered so many earth-friendly alternatives and love knowing I’m using products that are safer for my family and better for the environment. My family’s recent experience with one of these amazing eco-friendly products that is designed to heal skin, even after serious burns, is featured on the company website.

It’s been wonderful to help so many relatives and friends save and earn money through this company! I’ve met incredible people, have grown personally and professionally, and am very excited about my future with my online business, as eCommerce is expected to grow to be over a $300 billion industry within the next two years! If anyone would like more information, they can visit my website, www.savewithsheri.com, or contact me at sheribrock@aol.com.

On any given day, you wear many hats. What's your typical day like?

At 6:00 in the morning, I jump in the shower and get ready for the day. By 6:30, the whole house is up, and I’m getting everyone ready, lunches packed, hair combed, teeth brushed, backpacks packed, etc. and everyone out the door by 7:50. We swing by a neighbor's house and pick up two young girls we carpool with. I drop the twins off at their school and then my oldest daughter and her two friends at theirs.

In my two-and-a-half-hour window of free time, I may go to a casting call, teach a Kindermusik class, do a presentation for other members of my team in my eCommerce business, meet with someone who is interested in starting their own part-time eCommerce business and joining my team, volunteer in either of the twin’s classes reading or doing music activities, or help out at my older daughter’s school. Of course, somewhere in that time period, I also need to run to the grocery store, throw in a couple of loads of laundry, return e-mails and phone calls, and do any other chores that need to get done.

Then, at noon, I pick up Emily and Christopher from preschool, take them home for lunch, spend time with them before my oldest daughter comes home from school, and then begin the hustle bustle of after school activities — dance, tennis, piano — before homework, dinner, baths, bedtime stories, and bed!

Although I usually feel like I’m going to collapse from exhaustion at that point, almost always a second wind kicks in, and this is when I get more of my chores around the house done, e-mails returned, bills paid, and any work associated with my eCommerce business completed.

I also forgot to mention that I help my dad with his business, paying bills and doing administrative work. I’m hoping to find someone to replace myself in that position though!

My day usually ends between 11:00 and 11:30.

With such a busy lifestyle, what do you do to unwind or relax?

I love to exercise and read, and between the kids, working, and all the other things I juggle, it's sometimes a challenge to find the time to do either. I love when I can find a spare 30 minutes and throw on my sneakers and go down to the beach for a run along the water. I find that relaxing and energizing all at once.

What's the most satisfying aspect of your life today?

My family. That’s why I love spending great quality time with my husband and children on the weekends and doing things we love, like going to the pool, beach, or park.

What did turning 40 mean to you?

It meant feeling more confident in who I am, living more fully, knowing that I’m exactly where I’m meant to be, and grateful for all the rich experiences up until this point that have helped shape who I am.

What advice do you have for people in their 40s?

To appreciate the wisdom you have acquired up until this point, enjoy and celebrate who you are, truly appreciate your God-given strengths and talents, eat healthy and stay active and, rather than dread aging, embrace it and appreciate the small things in life that bring happiness. Live in the moment, and make the most of each day. Give back to the community; I truly believe when we give, we get back in dividends. Live in a state of gratitude as much as possible. Life throws curve balls at us constantly. However, it’s up to us how we choose to respond. I believe every cloud has a silver lining; it's up to us to find it.

For me personally, my faith in God has helped me get through some tough and challenging times, and I trust it will continue to help me face all that lies ahead. One of the most difficult times in my life was when my son started showing signs of autism at 16-months old. I researched autism and various interventions extensively, sought medical intervention, both conventional and holistic, and tried to be as proactive as possible in finding the best ways to help my son in his development. My faith definitely helped keep me grounded and focused on what I needed to do during a very challenging time, trying to balance my son's special needs, along with the needs of my other two children, my marriage, and my work. My faith also helped me realize I had to accept at some point that I could only do so much, and that I had to surrender and let go and let God, accept the outcome, whatever that may be, and make the very best of it.

I am deeply grateful to say that early intervention proved to be extremely effective in changing the course of my son's development. After a few years of several medical evaluations, much early intervention including physical therapy, speech therapy, occupational therapy, music therapy, along with biomedical intervention using holistic remedies, he is now in a typical preschool, and is a social, happy, bright, and loving little boy, with very few remaining spectrum symptoms.

If I can pass along any bit of wisdom and insight based on my experience, it is to trust your gut. My gut told me something wasn't right with my son at 16 months, even though the doctors initially didn't see it, and I have to believe that because I followed my intuition and gut feeling, and my husband and I intervened at the right time during the window when children on the spectrum can be helped most dramatically, the course of my son's life was forever changed.

If you could do one thing with the “Click” remote, what would it be?

Hmmm . . . there was an acting job I turned down years ago because of another project I was working on. Other friends who took the job went on to have careers on Broadway, and I have often thought I wish I could rewind and would have chosen differently. But, then I think about the path my decision put me on, which led me to my husband, my children, and where I’m at now, and I think it all has happened the way it was meant to happen. I have to believe that with all my past decisions, because every bad decision taught a lesson, opened other doors, and brought me to where I am now.

What’s next?

I feel I am entering a new chapter in my life as my twins start kindergarten next year and my oldest starts middle school. It’ll be the first time in over a decade that I’ll have a stretch of time beyond three hours to myself during the day. I’m looking forward to pursuing and booking more acting work, taking my eCommerce business to a whole new level and, within the next five years, opening a performing arts school in our community that will offer acting, dance, fitness, and art for toddlers through seniors.

I look forward to continue being involved in my children's education and volunteering in their schools. It’ll also be wonderful to travel more as a family as the children get older.

And, now that our children are no longer babies and are becoming more independent, I’m hoping my husband and I will be able to squeeze in a few more date nights once in a while, and perhaps even take our first weekend vacation alone while my parents watch the kids. We have yet to do that since we have had children — nearly eleven years ago!

Contact Sheri Wilcox

E-mail: sheribrock@aol.com
Phone: 954-614-8487
Website: www.savewithsheri.com
Twitter: sheriwilcox

About Sheri Wilcox

Sheri graduated from Adelphi University with a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Theatre. Following graduation, she continued to study acting at HB Studios and Stella Adler Conservatory, dance at Steps 74 and Broadway Dance Center, and had the opportunity to do theater, television, commercial, voice-over, and industrial work. She is a member of AFTRA, and has performed in several off-off Broadway shows, musical revues, summer stock productions, a Far East tour, children's theater, and with "Chezzam Entertainment" and "Plays for Living" Theater Company. In addition to Sheri's career in the Performing Arts, she has also worked as an ACE and AFAA certified group fitness instructor and personal trainer for more than 15 years. She has enjoyed teaching fitness and dance classes to students ranging in age from toddlers through seniors in several locations throughout New York, including New York Sports Club, New York Health & Racquet Club, and the 92nd Street Y. Sheri earned a Master of Science degree in Early Childhood Education from Fordham University. Before relocating to South Florida, she was an associate first grade teacher at St. Luke's School in Manhattan. Sheri has also co-written and choreographed "Aesop Rocks," a children's musical, which currently tours throughout elementary schools in New York. Presently, she takes great pleasure in owning an eCommerce business that helps people save time and money by shopping online, teaching Kindermusik music and dance classes, pursuing acting work, and being a mom to her 10-year old daughter, Rebecca, and 5-year old twins, Christopher and Emily.

Don't miss future posts of 40 and Fabulous: Successful and Inspiring 40 Somethings. Stay connected — subscribe or become a Follower of The 40 Factor, or follow Lisa-Michelle on Twitter.

Life’s Lessons From A Heavy Dose Of Perspective

By now, with 40 years experience, I should have learned many important lessons. By learned I mean know them well and apply them to all I do — all the time.

Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I forget and lapse.

Last night, I received the horrible, sad news that my friend, who just turned 40 last month, ran out of treatment options for metastatic cancer since chemo had not worked for her in some time.

My thoughts and prayers go out to my brave, strong, and extraordinary friend, Jill, and her family and friends.

Some of life's lessons are easier than others, but they're all important. They make our lives and those of the people around us better.

So, please allow me to use this space to remind myself . . .

• Do something meaningful every day
• Reach out to those in need
• Seek justice for all
• Express yourself
• Love passionately
• Forgive
• Be true to yourself
• Do more of what you want, less of what you don't
• Share your talent
• Smile as often as possible

I'm having a hard time finding my smile this morning, but I will dig deep into my spirit and give it my best shot.

Before I do anything else, I'm taking a break to count my blessings and tell the important people in my life how much they mean to me, how much I love them, how much they make my life better.

We can’t get enough of it!

Delicious, Comforting, Memorable Food

I love the Food Network's "The Best Thing I Ever Ate." What a great concept! Promote your network's celebrities and shows by having them share a little piece of themselves while plugging restaurants across the country. 

I also have a feeling there's at least one free meal in it for someone with such endorsements. That's ok. Someone has to make sure the food still tastes and looks good.

When Emeril Lagasse tells me the best thing he ever ate was veal parmagiana at Il Vagabondo in New York City, I immediately google it for location, menu, and pricing, even though the dish didn't look anywhere near the best veal parm I ever had. But, Mr. Lagasse gave it such a passionate endorsement, I know I'll make a date with veal parm destiny soon.

I may send him a note about Long Island's Mother Kelly's. I think they could compete with or even beat his favorite.

Whether Robert Irvine talks about the best mashed potatoes at Parc — and how much that means to a Brit like himself — Ted Allen shares his favorite cupcakes at Butter Lane, or Brian Boitano takes us out to dinner with his parents at House of Prime Rib, I'm hooked.

Sure, I scoff at Ina Garten's choice — meatloaf at The 1770 House in East Hampton. I don't have anything against meatloaf. I'm not too jealous that this amazing restaurant is down the block from her Hampton's home. But, after years of perfecting my secret recipe, I make the best meatloaf I ever ate. Sorry, Ms. Garten.

Shows like these get me thinking — about food, food, and more food.

Could I really pick one? The best one thing I ever ate?

Maybe I could narrow it down to the top 50 favorite things I ever ate. Maybe 25. But, not just one. No!

Hmmm . . .

The kitchen has been off limits to me for almost two months. A back injury has kept me from making all my usual treats. It's been tough, and I'm eager to get back in the saddle.

Maybe this weekend I'll be ready to give it a try. It's been too long, I don't know where to begin. I want it all. Lasagna, cheesecake, meatloaf, creamed spinach, oven-fried chicken, sweet potato pie, spinach puffs . . .

Stop me! Please!

What's one of the best things you ever ate?