Mom, Leader, Work-In-Progress, 41: Debbie Rutherford

40 and Fabulous: Successful and Inspiring 40 Somethings

Mom, Leader, Work-In-Progress, 41: Debbie Rutherford

Get ready to meet another extraordinary 40-something, who not only inspires her peers, but also the next generation. Balancing her busy lifestyle, she’s working, raising a family, and leading Girl Scouts to live responsibly, give back to the community, and achieve remarkable results.

Debbie Rutherford lives in Farmingville, New York, with her husband of 16 years, Mike; 10-year old daughter, Victoria; 9-year old son, Mike Jr.; two dogs; and 12 cats, if you count the stray that stays in their garage or a backyard doghouse when the weather is bad.

When I learned about Rutherford’s work with the Girl Scouts, I was very impressed. The educational programs and community-service projects were interesting and inspiring. I could easily see how she turned the Girl Scouts of Suffolk County mission — to build girls of courage, confidence, and character who make the world a better place — into a fun and meaningful experience.

Through her outstanding dedication to today's youth, Rutherford is sharing her knowledge and compassion — shaping future leaders and responsible, caring citizens.

Why did you become involved with the Girl Scouts?

Five years ago, a friend mentioned she was starting a Brownies troop and asked Victoria if she wanted to join. When she did, they needed a fundraising mom, so I became one of those involved moms. A few months later, my friend had to move, because her husband's job moved him upstate. She asked me to take over as co-leader. so I did and kept that position for another year. When the leader could no longer do it, I took over as leader and have been troop leader for three years now. Two years ago, the Service Unit Coordinator, the woman who runs the whole unit, finished her three-year term and asked me to step up. I was appointed and am in my second year along with a co-coordinator.

Tell me about your work with the Girl Scouts.

Where do I start? It's the most exhausting but fulfilling thing I've ever had the pleasure of doing. My Junior troop is made up of 11 girls in fifth and sixth grades, and I try to teach them as many valuable life-lessons I can while making it fun. We do numerous community-service projects, and they earn proficiency badges on a variety of subjects. Some of my girls are currently working on their Bronze Award service project, where they are collecting school supplies — crayons, pens, pencils, art supplies, story books for grades K through 8 — to send to a newly built school in a small village in Uganda. They came up with this idea on their own after making murals in art class for an organization called BULA, Better Understanding of Life in Africa, which was actually started by a former Girl Scout from Bayport, Long Island.

I was very impressed to learn from you about the Operation:Cookie. What’s it all about? When did it start? Do you have an idea how many boxes of cookies have been delivered through it?

Thanks to the support of generous Long Islanders, the Girl Scouts of Suffolk County have collected and sent more than two million Girl Scout Cookies to U.S. troops overseas and in military hospitals through Operation:Cookie. The next shipment of cookies will be carried overseas by the USS New York from the Naval Station of Norfolk, Virginia. This is the ship that was commissioned in November 2009 and incorporates steel salvaged from the site of the World Trade Center in its construction. The Girl Scouts of Suffolk County has partnered with the military and other agencies to distribute the cookies. Last year, the cookies reached those in Iraq, Afghanistan, the Red Sea, the Bethesda Naval Hospital, and Walter Reed Medical Center.

Read more about Operation:Cookie.

How does it feel to positively influence today's youth?

I love having the ability to influence today's kids. Sometimes it's an overwhelming feeling, because I just want to do it right and not make any mistakes. When I know I've gotten through to one of my girls, I share their pride and in their accomplishments as well.

With such a busy lifestyle, what do you do to unwind or relax?

I don't get much down-time, but when I do, it's usually late at night, so I end my day by playing on the computer in some virtual world farming or looking for critters.

What else do you like to do for fun?

I love to go to the movies, whether it's with my kids or just by myself.

What's the most satisfying aspect of your life today?

Aside from being a mom and watching my kids grow into people I am proud of, being a Girl Scout leader comes in a close second. It's like having more kids to mold into future adults and to be proud of.

What did turning 40 mean to you?

Turning 39 forced me to take stock of my life and made me realize I had to change some things before I hit the big 4 - 0. Most birthdays didn't bother me, but this one did. I started to actually feel old. It might have had something to do with the extra weight I was carrying around. I decided to have bariatric surgery and took all the steps to give myself the best 40th birthday present I could think of — my life back. I spent the 6 months leading up to this birthday, not dwelling on the number, but looking forward to the surgery two months after it and what it would mean to me. On the day of my birthday, I woke up, realized I was 40 and actually said to myself, ‘Okay, you woke up. One thing crossed off the to-do list.’

What advice do you have for people in their 40s?

I have always believed that you are only as old as you act. Much to my husband's annoyance, I definitely do not act my age. As long as I feel young, I'm going to be young. I have plenty of time to be old — I'm in no rush!

If you could do one thing with the “Click” remote, what would it be?

No question about it — I would've had the backbone to tell everyone I changed my mind about going to law school, so I wouldn't have wasted thee years of my life HATING every single day. That one wrong decision caused me so many problems, brought out anxiety issues I had to face with my then-undiagnosed Anxiety Disorder, as well as huge financial issues. After I suffered a breakdown — or anxiety breakthrough as one of my doctors liked to call it to paint it in a lighter picture — I realized that the whole law school experience may have been meant to teach me something I needed to learn in such a way that I was meant to remember. Although, I thought that was a bit extreme and perhaps there was another way for me to be taught that lesson. I did find through it all that I am stronger and more determined than even I gave myself credit for.

What’s next?

Hmmm . . . I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

Contact Debbie Rutherford
E-mail: dmvm4@aol.com

Learn more about the Girl Scouts at http://www.girlscouts.org/.

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Specialty Cakes: Smiles and Relaxation

Whenever I make a specialty cake, people ask me how I did it. At least one person asks me if I would videotape the process, and others ask me if they could join me the next time I make one.

Since it takes hours, and I'm a little camera shy at times, I think videotaping is out. I'm also not sure anyone would like to join me for the entire process. And, truth be told, I enjoy my alone time in the kitchen. It's one of my most relaxing pleasures.

So . . . How do I do it? The secret to this 40-something's success is planning. That simple. It's not only how I succeed in the kitchen, but it's also the way I do my best in all areas -- planning as much as possible, but being flexible to handle whatever comes my way.

When my god-daughter asked me to make her a "Hello Kitty Yankee Girl Cake" for her birthday, I knew this one had to be well thought out and planned to the very last detail. This took several hours researching Hello Kitty and Yankees uniforms, creating a comp, and searching for the decoration items.

Who knew it would be so difficult to find blue shoelace licorice?!? For the pinstripes, of course. Well, with some help from a good friend, I found a few potential local sources and had a out-of-town delivery backup plan.

Once I had everything I needed, I took time off from work. That's right, I took time off from work to make this cake. I needed a break to do something for myself, enjoy some peace, and regain my balance. Leisurely baking was just what I needed.

Here's what happened next:

   It's all in the plan . . . 

   I've learned the hard way that the cakes must be completely cooled . . .

   I put the cake board cover on early, so I wouldn't forget.

   The cakes needed to be leveled. Don't worry, nothing was wasted.

   Layering the cake with white icing by request. 

   It's time to give her some shape . . . 

   All cut out and no place to go . . . 

   More icing . . . of course.

   Ready to become Hello Kitty.

   That's all it took . . .  

   Hello Kitty is proud to wear her pinstripes.

   Getting ready to roll out the fondant for the hat and shirt emblem . . . 

   She's almost there . . . She just needs her bow and hat emblem.

   And her ball . . . a Lindt white chocolate truffle, which I decorated with a red food marker.

   I couldn't bear to think of sticking candles in her, so she needed a brownie home-plate base. 

   She's ready for her first game . . . 

   . . . and to make my god-daughter smile.

This is where the stress begins . . . I have to make it to the car and her house without destroying it. I usually hold my breath the entire way.

So, that's it. Hope you enjoyed this sneak peak into how the Hello Kitty Yankee Girl Cake came to life.

All Stressed Out And No Place To Go

What do you do when stress mounts? Before it passes your threshold?

Do you reach out for help? Take a step back and evaluate what to change? Cut yourself some slack and let others know to do the same? Find a way to relieve some of it?

Most of us do not. We allow it to grow, put our noses to the grindstone, grin and bear it, and suffer through whatever the situation may be — hoping to come out on top in the end, or just come out of it at all.

By the time we reach the big 4 – 0, our generation should know better. We’ve learned about the deadly effects of stress and have been taught — in theory — the benefits of lessening and managing stress, as well as balancing our lives with stress-relief activities.

I’ve become much better in this area, but I don’t always succeed. Last week was a good example of not doing such a good job. Sure, almost no one noticed, no one else suffered, but it took its toll.

I may not have been able to reschedule projects, or even work less hours, but I should have taken a midday break every day — not just at the beginning of the week. I should have done more for myself to alleviate the stress, Tai Chi or Yoga a couple times would have been great.

Nearing the end of the week, I was frazzled and fried. Luckily, a dear friend took notice and reminded me how even a 15-minute vacation from reality could do wonders — and it did.

Have I finally learned my lesson? I hate to say it, but I don’t know. I guess I’ll have to wait till next time to find out and get back to you.

I hereby officially declare this week to be a stress-free zone.

Brunch Anyone?

Spring has sprung, and us 40-somethings have less time than ever. Even with everything going on in our busy lives, we don’t have to give up on tasty — healthy — meals. The 40 Factor’s Quick and Easy Recipes are here to save the day.

Whether you have a small brunch gathering or want to impress your special someone, you can whip us this scrumptious brunch in no time.

Quick and Easy Brunch Menu
Mimosas
Brunch Strata
Too-Good-To-Be-True Slaw
Strawberry Parfait

Quick and Easy Mimosas
1 bottle champagne
1 half-gallon orange juice

Fill half a champagne flute with champagne and top it off with orange juice. Gently stir.

Quick and Easy Brunch Strata
6 eggs
2 cups milk
½ teaspoon salt
¼ teaspoon white pepper
½ teaspoon dry mustard (optional)
8 slices white or wheat bread, cubed
1 onion, diced
1 pound grated cheddar cheese (or Colby)
¼ cup butter, cubed

Preheat the over to 325. Grease a 13” x 9” pan with nonstick cooking spray. Beat the eggs and whisk in the milk, salt, pepper, and mustard. Spread the bread out in the pan. Sprinkle with onion and cheese. Dot with butter cubes. Pour the egg mixture on top. Bake for 45 minutes, until golden.

Tasty Non-Kosher Alternatives: Add 1 cup diced bacon or sausage.

Tasty and Healthy Alternatives: Add 2 cups diced broccoli or mixed vegetables.

Quick and Easy Too-Good-To-Be-True Slaw
½ cup light mayonnaise
¼ cup cider vinegar
½ teaspoon celery salt
½ teaspoon white pepper
½ teaspoon salt
1 bag shredded cabbage (for cole slaw)

Mix the first five ingredients in a bowl till completely combined. Add the cabbage. Refrigerate overnight (or at least two hours) in a container or Ziploc bag. Stir or shake once or twice while refrigerating. Stir before serving.

Sweet Alternative: I don’t think it’s necessary, but if you prefer your slaw sweet, add 1 tablespoon sugar.

Quick and Easy Strawberry Parfait
2 packages sugar-free instant chocolate pudding
3 ½ cups fat-free milk
1 large container strawberries
Fat-free whipped cream
1 chocolate bar, refrigerated

Beat the milk and pudding mix till firm. Refrigerate for 30 minutes (or more). Wash, hull, and slice the strawberries. In four wine glasses, layer the parfait: pudding, strawberries, pudding, strawberries, whipped cream. Using a vegetable peeler, shave pieces of chocolate onto each parfait.

Make-It-Your-Own Alternatives: Use your favorite pudding flavor and mixed berries.

And, don’t forget my favorite Friendly and Fun Alternative — invite me over, so we can enjoy our Quick and Easy Brunch together. Happy spring!

Lancaster, Here I Come!

I’m about to leave the hustle and bustle of my hectic life and go on another journey into the Amish heartland.

OK, I’m actually not that lucky. Not yet, anyway.

But, I will be immersing myself into another Beverly Lewis book — The Telling.

Even though it hit the stores on Saturday, I didn’t allow myself to open it all weekend. I knew I wouldn’t be able to put it down and nothing else would get done. I know myself too well. I even took a personal day once to finish reading one of these adventures.

What is it about Lewis’ characters and settings that appeal to me so much?

Is it just a case of feeling the grass is greener on the Amish side?

I don’t think so. I envy the simplicity of their daily lives, sense of community, understanding of responsibilities and roles, firm belief in God, appreciation for handmade crafts and homemade cooking, lack of dependence on modern technology, and carefree attitudes.

I often romanticize thoughts of living near, or even in, an Amish or Mennonite community. I see myself cooking, baking, canning, quilting, making all sorts of crafts, gardening, painting, writing, enjoying the outdoors, and spending time with my neighbors.

Naturally, in my dreams, they like having a Jewish neighbor, who can speak and teach Hebrew, and tell stories about Israel.

I’d have a car, electricity, and full indoor plumbing, of course. I’d also have a landline, mobile phone, Internet, and satellite TV or a local cable provider (to make sure I can watch at least 162 New York Yankees games each year). All of these luxuries would be available, but not taken for granted.

I can’t imagine raising any animals for consumption. I could see myself having a small barn or stable, so I could care for aging animals, giving them the opportunity to peacefully enjoy the rest of their lives.

There would definitely be at least two dogs in my home. I’d get them as pups at the same time, so they could grow into their new space together.

Ahhh . . . I could dream for hours about my life in Amish country. Maybe one day, I’ll take that step.

How would it really play out?

For now, I guess it doesn’t really matter. I’m joining Grace Byler on her quest. She’ll make sure my Amish experience is everything I want it to be and then some.

Anyone ready to join me?

Move That Butt!

Those thighs, stomach, arms, and the rest of you while you’re at it! You better work it girl!

That’s what I’m telling myself after a challenging period of time and too many pound weight gain to own up to it in numbers here.

I have lots of reasons — and excuses, but it’s time for a change. Really. Time to get up and get out there. Time to go back to good habits and maybe develop a few new ones, too.

As a coach, I help people set realistic goals, explore options, overcome obstacles, establish and stick to practical plans, and accomplish better results then they would on their own. I create a space to talk through challenges and help people focus on opportunities.

I knew I needed to do the same for myself. Without drive and focus, I wouldn’t move forward well, stay on track, and achieve my desired results.

This 40-something is a little older and a lot wiser, and I know what I need to do. More importantly, I know what I will — and won’t — do at this stage of my life to make it happen.

So, here I go again, but this time I’m moving forward with a well thought out plan and everything I need to see it through.

This week, I not only splurged on a pair of Skechers Shape-ups, but I also wore them and walked 90 minutes each day. I’ve also been preparing for a sustainable, long-term change in my eating habits — focusing on what I know works for me.

I’ve already lost two pounds and can’t wait to shed the rest.

Excuses will be banned, and progress will be rewarded. (Yay!)

I already know how much support and encouragement I’ll have, so let me take this opportunity to thank you all in advance.

Got to go . . .

You better work . . . cover girl, 

Work it girl . . . give a twirl, 

Do your thing on the runway . . . 

(Thanks, RuPaul!)

Lose My Number!

If you’ve been following my blogs or actually know me, then you understand that I’m very forgiving and never hold a grudge.

But, today I have a message to those people who only contact me when they need something. Not surprisingly, the same people are hard to find if someone else is in need.

You may be the first one they call when they want your help, but you’re not even on their list of holiday calls or the sharing of good news.

I’m lucky — truly blessed — to be surrounded by many thoughtful, sensitive, kind, and compassionate people, who often make me forget about those others.

It’s hard to understand why some people are thoughtful while others are insensitive, why some people will always put themselves last and others will always put themselves first.

A few years back, a friend of mine told me a story about the time his sister asked him to read a letter she was about to send an ex-boyfriend. My friend told her she didn’t need any of its content. All she had to say was “lose my number.”

I often think of his story and how most of us never get close to saying what we want or need to say.

So . . . with the wisdom of someone who’s reached the big 4 – 0 and beyond . . . today, I’m saying it.

If you only call me when you need something . . . lose my number.